Passion. That raison d’etre. That intense desire to do something every single day with enthusiasm and vigor. Sometimes we think we’ve found it, until we reach an obstacle that we are unwilling to tackle on a daily basis anymore because we seem to lack passion. In the past, I’ve always equated lacking passion with being lazy (my own laziness) and not willing to try, or pushing myself to be passionate about developing my "potential" in something that I didn't truly love.
It was all a great act until I decided I didn’t want to pretend anymore. I grew tired of faking it, of pretending I cared about something in a way that wasn't authentic to me.
And suddenly I was liberated from every fake passion I ever pursued.
When you are questioning why you’re even doing it in the first place, you have to ask yourself a few questions.
Am I Happy? Nope.
Am I unhappy just because this it too difficult? Maybe?
Will I regret quitting? I don’t know.
In ten years, will you look back on this decision and think I should have kept with it, I should have kept practicing and pushing harder. 10 years is far away, but Probably not.
What is the road of least regret? The road of what?
Will you regret putting more time and energy into something you semi-like or will you regret not giving your full attention to something you love with ever fibre of your being? The latter option for sure.
What are you really passionate about? I’m not sure, yet.
Then go find out.
And just like that - liberated. Of course, it’s easier said than done, but admitting you’re unhappy with your current passionless endeavour is the first step. Of course I’m aware of the privilege I’ve been afforded in being able to attend University for many years and being able to exist in an environment that supports and encourages my love of lifelong learning. Academia has been that consistent backdrop in my life, an area of comfort that held my hand before I suddenly stumbled upon one of my purposes that moved me beyond the brick walls and deadlines.
Sometimes we just have to roll with it. Who knows. You might think you're really passionate about what you're doing right now, but one day you'll see something, hear something, read something that gives you a seed of hope and you'll want to nurture it to life.
In school I read too many books (just kidding, there is no such thing) and watched too many movies (yeah right) and designed too many lesson plans (teaching is fun!), and yet here I am, painting. Painting because some little bird whispered to me and guided me to my healing outlet. The canvas helps me to make sense of every nonsensical thing that occurs each day, and I’m absolutely obsessed with what I do. I want to do it every single day. I’d do it for free. It fuels my soul and gives me the energy I need to exist. It makes me feel like I have a place in this world. What a gift passion can be.