I kept having these recurring daydreams about my pursuit of art and whether or not I was doing it right. Was I doing enough? There were many days where I felt like I was failing, like I'd never amount to anything, so why even bother. I'm sure some of you can relate to that feeling. I became smothered by this overwhelming sense of defeat, like I was doing it all wrong because I just couldn't seem to find the manual for "Being an Artist in the 21st Century," ( side note, does someone want to write that? THANKS!) and the step-by-step process required to, well, succeed, or just be visible.
I know, I could probably use my time a little more productively, but I realized that in order to personally avoid feeling like a failure, it was my responsibility to create. Just create something, anything! Thus, I fell back on writing and my desire for a slight bit of control to bridge the gap between abstract painting and more concrete thoughts. Where my paintings tend to just be spontaneous outbursts of emotion, writing is a little more, I don't want to say structured, but there is less to infer. My primary passion growing up was writing and I have journals starting in first grade to prove it. Documenting deep or shallow insights, I felt like words were these incredible tools for understanding complex ideas and so I came to realize that I need to write about my artistic process and share my journey to recovery with you, rather than hide it away behind my paintings.
Some days I'll write more, others I'll write less, but I think this will be a nice way to convey my process and add another layer to my personal canvas.