This week was all about Banks (go download everything you can!) After hearing her song “Crowded Places” in an episode of Girls I was hooked. Her entire album “The Altar” is beyond my limited vocabulary, which is why I did a lot of painting this week. Can't say it? Paint it! Guided by the words from title tracks “Gemini Feed” and “Trainwreck” I reached a new space in my pursuit for emotional expression. These songs transported me to all of these different times in my life where I felt out of control and unworthy, a time where my voice didn’t feel valued and so I tried to make myself smaller, invisible even. I imagine many people can relate this, which is unfortunate, but there are ways to grow back into our bodies and recover what was once lost.
Certain lines gripped me deeply. I thought I’d share them because sometimes when we’re listening to songs the lyrics can get away from us as we’re swept up in the rhythmic notes and palpable beats. Or maybe that’s just me. I struggle to make out words clearly and am much better at feeling the sounds.
Open up your eyes
There's nothing on my body left to see
I tried a thousand times
I tried to say "I love you", but you didn't hear me
And you're passive-aggressive
Convinced me other people didn't care about me
Talking to ears that have been deaf for as long as I can remember
A self-medicated handicap so I speak to myself
And I try so hard to get his stupid deaf ears to hear
That have become illiterate, I've become dumb
Hey, hey, hey
Deep, am I right? They summed up so succinctly what it is I felt for so long, that is until I found my paint brush. Thankfully, I no longer feel small and insignificant. Instead, I’ve transformed my vulnerabilities into my greatest strength. I want you to do the same. Our unique voices are a gift to this world and there isn’t a day that goes by that I do not feel incredibly grateful for finding my words in colours.
This week, since my work space is rather limited these days, I channeled all of my emotional energy into smaller paper pieces. These surfaces felt more fitting for the wide range of feelings I was trudging my way through. I couldn’t possibly get everything into a singular canvas. This way each piece could explore a new song and sentiment.
So, how do you express your voice? The world wants to hear it!